The Healing Power of Sarcasm

Random Jerk:
"You create all this drama saying you're sick, but I know you're not sick. I see you around, shopping, going to parties, hanging out with friends, you're having fun, you're laughing, you don't look sick at all. All that stuff about being sick is all in your head. I can see that there is nothing wrong with you."

Me:
"Wow, you can tell if a person has a serious illness just by looking at them???
That is amazing!
To think that hospitals and labs and research scientists spend millions of dollars developing and administering tests on a microscopic level, and meanwhile all you have to do is look at someone from across a room at a coffeehouse and you can tell if they have a systemic disorder or not!

Think how much money this will save the city government!
We need march across to Denver General Hospital right now and tell them to dismantle their laboratory, their nuclear medicine division, send all their diagnosticians with MD's and PHD's home, because all they need to do is to station YOU at the door and just by looking at someone you can diagnose that patient.
You need to IMMEDIATELY inform the government of your awesome super-power!
Just march right up to the ER door and tell them that you have an incredible super-power that is better than X-ray vision, and that all the people who have spent decades in graduate research can go home right now because you are better than them.
Go now! It's your civic duty! I'm sure they will all be delighted by this new discovery and you will be treated like a hero.

No - wait! Why waste your incredible gift on just a local government? You need to share this with all humanity.
Right now, the Centers for Disease Control has an entire division dedicated to communicable diseases -- TB for example -- that they believe can be transmitted from person without anyone being aware of the danger. Those fools! All you need to do is look at a person and you'll know if they are "sick" or not.
And what about AIDS?
All this money being spent to instruct people that they have to always practice safe sex and use a condom, because one can't tell by looking if a fit, healthy-looking partner could be harboring a deadly syndrome.
Well forget safe sex! There's no need for that anymore, you can just look at a person, and you'll know if they have AIDS or not!
This gift of yours is going to change the world. What are you hanging around here for? You need to immediately start calling the World Health Organization, call the New York Times, call the Journal of the American Medical Association! They need to know about your ability to diagnose dangerous disorders just by looking at someone! Go tell them now! Go!"

Warning: This is the roundhouse kick to the head of Emotional Kung Fu. If the person just said, "Gee, you don't look sick", out of ignorance, it's overkill to return fire with a response like this. A person who says "Gee you don't look sick" might really be well-meaning.

However, if you get the "you're just faking it" or "it's all in your head" speech from a real jerk (and only a real jerk would say "you're faking it," so it's a dead giveaway), then I recommend kicking them upside the head with this deadly sarcasm move.

It will knock them out, emotionally speaking, and they will be speechless except for some weak grumbling.

But YOU will feel a lot better. And that's all I care about.