Emotional Kung Fu: the quick jab

Random New Age Jerk: "You have an illness because you are harboring negative thoughts, because you have anger or resentment. The mind is more powerful than any medication. Your body and immune system are perfectly capable of fighting off illness if you think positive thoughts. But if you can't overcome an illness it's because you are hanging on to the illness with negative thoughts."

Me: "Please go find some broken-hearted parents who suddenly lost their infant to S.I.D.S. and tell them that their precious baby was filled with negativity, anger and resentment, and that's why their little angel succumbed to S.I.D.S. when other parents get to experience the joys of holding their babies and watching them grow up. It will sure be a comfort to them to realize that it was their little baby's own negativity that resulted in her death."

If you don't have to deal with New Age Jackasses who try this routine, consider yourself lucky. (I've heard other patients complain about having to deal with Christian Jackasses who have a variant of this same attack, "If you really believed in Jesus, this wouldn't happen to you." It just shows that if someone wants to be a jerk, they will find some way to manipulate any set of universal beliefs to support their behavior.)

Here a person who is healthy, rather than counting their blessings and reaching out to the afflicted, instead congratulates themselves, and immediately judges that they are a better, more spiritual person and you are not, because they are healthy and you are not.

(Personally, I find this accusation of negativity REALLY irksome because I make a concerted effort every day to be pleasant and encouraging to the people I encounter, and not let the pain make me irritable towards others. It doesn't make the pain any less for me, but I figure just cuz I feel miserable is no reason anyone else should.)

This type of attack does nothing to help an ill person relieve the stress in their lives that could be making symptoms worse, nor does it help an ill person to practice positive thinking to overcome depression. Rather it creates separation, a New Age more-spiritual-than-thou pride, and snap judgments.

It's amazing what the "people who think positive don't get sick - people who are harboring negative thoughts succumb to disease" criteria tells you about the world.

People in Africa and Latin America are dying of A.I.D.S. at a devastating rate, and of a number of infections and diseases that are rare or unknown in the industrial Western world. So, apparently according to the New Age Jackass, those dark-skinned people are just really negative compared to us whiteys(?!?!) Who else is "negative"? I guess little kids with leukemia are "negative", because the illness got to them. Ted Bundy the serial killer was a healthy, athletic young man (until his untimely execution), so I guess he didn't have any anger, hostility or resentment as he butchered his victims. I'm sure you can add to this list yourself.....

If you have been one of these New Age Jackasses at times yourself, just know that telling someone to "be positive" and blaming them for the illness, does nothing to make them feel more positive. If you want someone to be more cheerful, then tell them a joke that makes them laugh, do something generous to put a smile on their face, or ... maybe.... even listen to their complaints without interrupting (shocker!) because everyone runs out of things to complain about eventually and even the very miserable eventually will get bored with complaining and want to talk about something cheerful.


Meanwhile, here's the Emotional Kung Fu move of the day...

The "quick jab" is a boxing move that is very useful to get someone to back away a little when they are attacking you. Perfect for this type of attack.

"Yeah, I do have anger and resentment built up, but the only anger and resentment I have is that I have to continually deal with jackasses like you!"

2 comments:

Bananasana said...

OK, I'm hooked. Being of a rather sarcastic bent myself, I kinda feel that naked truth is better than myopic 'positivity'. I'm not a 'spiritual' person- at least not by the usual constraints given- but if I were, I suppose I would pray for you, mention Jesus, and spill forth with a littany of empty buzzwords- not my style. Still, I'm rootin' for ya. And punk rock lives.

Chronically Fabulous said...

Oh thank you so much! Sarcasm IS healing, dammit - at least for me. Viva Punk Rock, Brutal Honesty -- and friends like you. XO CFAB