"What Do You Do?"

The standard American question when meeting someone for the first time is "What do you do?"

It's the question I dread now, that I am fully disabled.
"What do you do?" really means, "What is your job title?" and depending on your answer, you will be ranked and classified based on status and coolness.

This is the question I dread now, that I am fully disabled.

I can use my previous job title: "I'm an attorney." But this is inaccurate and just leads to another set of questions about where I work, and if not, am I looking for work..... all answers that lead back to explaining disability.

I can say, "I'm on disability" but this comes with the inevitable loss of status and distancing.

I can fudge and say, "I'm a writer," which is sort of true, and besides most writers are always working on some big opus and you don't expect it to be published or readable soon.

I can lie outright and just say something ridiculous, because nobody will ever know the difference. "I work for Homeland Security. Sorry I can't tell you more." But I'm not a good liar.

Lately I've taken to saying fake job titles that are true to describing my condition.
"I'm a stay at home mom." OK, I'm not married and I don't have any kids -- but why should that preclude me from having this job title? I'm a pioneer, breaking down that false barrier!
"I'm a circus ringmaster." Not literally, but that's how my life feels a lot of the time.
"I'm a healthcare researcher." Well, I do spend a lot of time doing this, and I know a lot. It's not my fault that the doctors refuse to pay ME for contributing to their knowledge.

If anybody with a disability has a better way to cope with the "what do you do?" question, please let me know.

Perhaps I will take to saying, "I'm a Disability Activist." Because that's like saying, "I'm on disability -- and I'm not apologizing for that fact!" Fair warning.