Queen of Denial or Royal Pain?

My friend Rebecca, who blogs at Chronic Town, said to me a while ago,
"Denial gets a bad rap.... what's so bad about denial as a coping mechanism? If I wasn't in denial about how desperate my situation is, I think I'd give up and die."

Facing the full reality of my illness is my personal spiritual project.
It's the Zen meditation of looking at something dispassionately without reacting.
Or, for my spiritual orientation: "The Truth Shall Set You Free."

Also, I see the unhealthy impact of denial on many people with Fibro. Denial about the seriousness of the illness leads the patient to avoid filing disability claims. Denial about the impact of the illness leads the patient to overexert and then suffer a relapse the next day. Denial about the lack of a cure leads the patient to waste precious money on scam treatments. I feel bad for all the stress caused by fighting reality.

It is my lifelong belief that if you want to improve anything, you have to first look at the situation directly, accurately, in full, and understand what you are dealing with.

So, I determined to take full stock of my Fibro symptoms and the effect on my life.

What the Hell was I thinking???!!!!

Just as Rebecca said, it's a certain amount of denial that gets us through the day.
The full impact of how devastating this illness is, is just too much to bear all at once.

One of the first things that my doctor told me to do, is to make a list of all of my symptoms, how often I get them, and a history of past illnesses and injuries.

30 minutes into this list, I read over it, and I just about curled up in the fetal position sucking my thumb.

That's my life? OMG, why go on!

I put the list aside, incomplete, and didn't look at it again for 2 years.

So much for me being the Queen of Facing Reality.

I guess I've revised my belief about facing reality.

Once again, the answer is to be gentle with oneself. Fibro patients like me need to re-learn a lot of push-hard, tough, no-pain-no-gain behaviors. Fibro patients need to rest before they get really sick. Fibro people need to exercise a little, not so much that they go for the burn and are in pain the next day. And, I'm adding to that: Fibro patients need to deal with their illness, only as much as they can handle.

It might be good to make a list of symptoms to take to the doctor.
On the other hand, it also might be good to spend the afternoon reading a guilty pleasure beach book, or watching a goofy escapist movie.

Facing Reality should only be undertaken with the proper protective gear: a pair of rose-colored glasses so your Reality doesn't burn out your retinas.

Signed,
Chronically Fabulous, Queen of Denial